Nothing in Life Or Love is Black and White

As much as we may all wish there was a clear answer to everything, there isn't; nothing in life is black and white; it's grey, a something in between that needs to be navigated carefully, sensibly and truthfully.

Much of what we are told conforms to rigid ideals and philosophies, lies that are delivered in the form of fairy tales, stories that are pure fantasy, and validations that are actually quite impossible.

Most of what we wish for or desire, the majority of goals we aim to attain, are someone else's idea, someone else's ideal, and without their initial prodding we would probably never have fallen into their trap; the trap of black and white, the trap that appears to have a simple answer, the trap that will hold us down in fear and ignorance for the duration of our lives.

From the belief that God is omnipotent to the idea that the President is a good man to the hope that marriage will fulfill our destiny to the thought that a child will provide unconditional love to the wish that a dog or a cat will take away the loneliness to the illusion that someone else will make our lives better to the dogmatic and childish ideas of good and evil; life is never that simple, it is never that clear cut and it is never black and white.

If God is omnipotent then she's not using that omnipotence very wisely, if he gave us free will then he should stop performing miracles and if it wants to answer a prayer then why not answer the one about world peace instead of the one about something selfish and small-minded that the delusional Evangelist in New England wanted? The President may seem to be a good man, but sadly, politics requires a certain amount of back-stabbing and self-aggrandizement which questions the notion of how 'good' any President can be, he did, after all rise to the top of a heap of unappealing individuals. If marriage is our destiny, then why are there so many divorces? If you unfortunately happened to choose the wrong person (like so many other fools), then perhaps marriage was not the destiny you should have sought. If a child provides unconditional love, then explain the teenagers who detest their parents or the adults that throw their ailing parents into homes before they die, surely these unconditionally loving adults should provide hands on care for the parents that gave so much. If a dog or a cat can relieve us of loneliness then we really are pretty sad, very cruel, extremely small-minded and incredibly backward - who is the master of their animal when they pick up that animal's feces? If someone else will make our lives better then are we sure that we can make theirs better too or are we just a taker who has little or nothing to offer because we cannot even stand to be with ourself? If you are a jihadist in Afghanistan then the USA is the Great Satan that enters your land, disrespects your customs and controls your infra-structure - who is the evil one now? Like I said, life is grey.

My point is this - there is always another side to the story, there is always another way to look at something, there is always an alternative, an option or an outcome that was not initially thought through, and so, rather than trying to always come to conclusions, rather than always trying to get to the finish line and make sure we have all the boxes checked, it would be wise to maintain a sense of fluidity, a type of flexibility, an ability to go with the flow, roll with the punches and adapt to the environment as it changes; for no matter how much we wish it wasn't so, we always have to confront change. Change is not always clear. Nor is life. It is grey.

We are sold rigid ideals that adhere to rigid philosophies, we are made to feel that we are wrong if we do not follow the herd, we are an outcast if we do not conform to the society we occupy, we are scorned for thinking outside the box, we are frowned upon for acting differently, we are laughed at for dressing a certain way and we are even imprisoned for not following the black and white agenda of others even when those same people cannot uphold the rules and regulations they impose and profess to adhere to.

Learning to overcome our childhood 'miseducation', deciding to stand up against all that we were taught, choosing to veer off the path that others tread, wanting to make our own life based on our own decisions that suit our own existence is not an easy thing to do. Most of us are confronted with family and friends, societies and governments that scorn the free thinker, that ridicule the individual, that make every effort to keep us 'in our place' so that we do not upset the status quo, so that we follow their doctrines and fulfill their desires even if they have failed miserably at their own strongly held and violently preached ideals. It is a strong person indeed who has the presence and intelligence to actually see the truth without becoming deeply depressed, it is a powerful mind that can process the truth and then live by that truth, it is an individual who can balance societies wishes with their own unique dreams. It is not easy to be different, but it is essential if we are to be significant.

If we follow the black and white, if we follow the 'stepping stones' of society, if we fulfill the desires of those that went before us, if we attempt to make up for the mistakes of others, then we are simply living a life already lived, we are only repeating the patterns of the past, we are then rendered insignificant because we are unable to allow our imagination to flow, we did not make use of our own particular skill set, we refused to stand up and be counted, to be an individual. If we follow the black and the white, then we fail.

It is not easy to accept that relationships are never black and white, it is hard to traverse the desires of someone else with the designs we might have for them, it is difficult to accept that our lovers have secrets and that our partners need to remain as individuals so that we can still find respect for them, it is not easy to think of raising a child with someone we have not locked into matrimony. We are complicated animals with complicated emotions, we have complicated needs and wants with complicated outcomes; and this is why living with grey is so important, this is why trying to make life long decisions is ridiculous, this is why looking for the black and the white is so dangerous; it is important to know that we can achieve anything if we put our mind to it, it is important to break the boundaries, it is important to remember the importance of change and to accept change as not only being unavoidable but also as being the best way to grow; and by accepting change as inevitable we allow ourselves the ability to be prepared to adapt and to overcome that change without being surprised by it, without being floored by the continual surprises that life will bring. Making rules in relationships is counter-productive, making decisions that are inflexible is a recipe for pain and shame, but making your mind up to accept the changes and working to advance from those changes is a step towards unconditional love, and as hard as it may be, unconditional love is very, very grey.

I am aware that I often talk of nations, religions, occupations and other variations when I refer to relationships, and I do this with a purpose; I intend to open your mind to the overall picture, to the wider perspective of life. There is no point in only dealing with personal relationships when talking of love or commitment, of fear or infidelity; it is helpful to see that we, as individuals, should always be aware of the grand scheme of things when making personal decisions, we should always be able to critique the way of the world when trying to clarify our own particular place in that world, and we should always be able to see the balanced approach not just the self-centered extremes that we are prone to search for. We should always see the black and the white but we should always try to settle in the grey so that we have considered all the options, seen all sides of an argument and yet we still manage to live with the most flexible decision, the fairest outcome, the best solution.

Remember that life should be an adventure, remember that life (without fail) should be a challenge, remember that life will offer up opportunities that we can choose to take (but which we most often choose to ignore or avoid), remember that living your parents life all over again is not an achievement (and even living the life of someone else is still a failure), remember that most of what you were told was a 'miseducation' designed to keep you on 'the path', remember that you alone have the ability to make yourself different, that you alone have the chance to excel, that you alone are the one who makes you happy, that you alone are the catalyst for your own dreams and that you alone can walk away from the black and the white and can relish life in the grey.

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