The Roots of Enchantment

Because of the other directed attitudes in marriage, love often becomes dormant. The general declarations include "we fall out of love", "we are tired of each other", "the magic is gone" etc. The process of love becoming dormant is usually a gradual process. The couples involved may not even notice it until they begin to look and think about feelings of joy, aliveness, passion, care and tenderness which characterized their relationship at the early stages. Those beautiful feelings all seem faint memories because the way memory works is that painful experience stamp themselves
into consciousness more indelibly than positive ones. In some ways, this enables humans to survive since it is more adaptive to be alert to danger and threat, this also happens in relationships, so that when you have been hurt, the memory of that event is terribly vivid and lasting.

Disappointments and hurt in marriage are remembered with enough clarity to cause those involved to withdraw a bit become insulated against further harm. It is this insulation that slowly seals off feelings of love from spouses .while spouse may feel victimized because they interpret the partners actions as thoughtless and intentional, marriage therapists encourage spouse to view the other mates conduct as a way of protecting himself or herself rather than talking each action as a personal hostility. This new perspective brings in an important process of understanding and acceptance that must include the marriage notions of tolerance of differences.

For some couples, disenchantment is well discussed, on the surface the marriage goes on as if there is no problem.
There are good times and bad times. Feelings of disappointment may only be expressed in moments of anger, resentment and repetitive complaints. There are yet other couples who, despite the layers of accumulated hurts, the original love lies dormant, not dead.

The road back to the renewal of love involves the removal of negative and unrealistic expectations, followed by emotional release. It is this emotional release that reawakens love and recapture the excitements of love and reconnect with each other in a new fulfilling way.

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