Domestic Violence Survivors - The Language of Victimization
Did you know you can spot a victim of domestic abuse without even hearing about her/his abusive relationship? When you live in an abusive relationship, you develop interaction and communication patterns that you carry with you in other relationships. I see this with my patients. In psychology, we call it "transference." Transference refers to the projection of the patient's psychological world unto you while in the role of their therapist. This can consist of unconscious habits, needs, desires, expectations, beliefs, etc. The transference offers a wealth of opportunity for psychotherapeutic process.
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Forgotten Victims of Domestic Violence
A lot of the time when we think of domestic violence our attention is focused on just the two parties that are fighting, the abuser and the victim. We rarely think of the children in the home that are watching. Yet each year an estimated 3.3 million children witness domestic violence. Some of these children are caught in the crossfire and sustain physical injuries. Even those children who do not experience abuse themselves are left just as traumatized as those who suffer direct abuse. This is part of my own story about the effect of domestic violence on children.
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Solutions For Domestic Violence Victims
In recent approaches to the concept of violence in all its permutations, repeated violence is regarded as an addiction. While this could be a unique view to many who work in the field of violence prevention, I am not persuaded that there are many compelling arguments against this approach. If this is a valid position, then with respect to those people who are victimized by violence, particularly domestic or relationship violence, those adult victims who return to the perpetrators of the violence could be described as, in some way, co-dependent upon either the perpetrator or some aspect of the perpetrator.
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The Cycle of Domestic Violence - We Don't Want to Know
It's enough to make the most indifferent of observers angry. Except like many of us the target of their anger is generally misplaced. We see a woman who is a victim of domestic violence and are upset that she has let herself become victimized. Of course saying she let herself is not exactly correct but at this point many of us do not care. She got herself into this and refuses to get herself out. Pretty soon this cold response gives way to outright blame. Maybe even trying to convince yourself that she has got it coming. Or something like that. After all she has never reported her spouse or boyfriend to the police.
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Abusive Relationships - Making You the Problem in Your Abusive Relationship During Your Divorce
Battered women and abused men are accustomed to being the scapegoat for the problems in their abusive relationships. They are routinely told: "It's your fault, you made me do it, say it, etc., " "If you weren't so ________, it wouldn't have happened." And oh yes, remember this one: "None of this ever happened anyway... It's all in your head, crazy-psycho." Let's face it, "being the problem" goes hand-in-hand with being in an abusive relationship. It's what the perpetrator wants you to believe and it's also what you have bought into believing.
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Healing From Abuse is Not the Same As Confrontation
A lot of survivors of sexual and physical abuse feel they need to confront someone about it. Face down the perpetrator and tell him (usually him) - tell him what? That what he did was wrong. That it was hurtful and did substantial harm. I imagine it could amazingly empowering to do that. Although the response may be further denial and anger, which could be traumatic. To hold one's own against such responses would be a big deal. And confrontation could provide a chance for remorse and repair of the relationship - I guess that would be everyone's dream, that the perpetrator would have an opportunity to open and soften, to repent.
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Verbal Attack - Top 3 Strategies to Cope
Have you ever been verbally attacked and found yourself at a loss for words? Or have you become defensive and found yourself drawn into a verbal volley that left you drained emotionally and energetically? Every verbal attack is either an attempt to bring your energy down to the other person's level, a projection, an invitation to an argument, or a defense to something you have said... You would be surprised how little it really has to do with you. Learning strategies to neutralize a verbal attack without harming yourself or your attacker helps you to be empowered in even the most difficult situations.
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Domestic Violence Roots - Teen Dating Violence?
Three years ago one of the first articles I wrote was about domestic violence and all the inequities associated with it. Two young women in my life were victims-one was my daughter whose husband broke her arm. Since then I have tried to keep up with the problem without much luck. The issue doesn't get a lot of press or maybe enough press is a better way of saying it. It is as I called it back then "America's Dirty Little Secret." To me it is a national disgrace the way women are treated in our sophisticated society. As bad as it is here we are way better than many countries in the world.
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